What’s Wrong With Sexy?
November 1, 2011 by Arash Mazinani
Filed under All Content, Ladies, Style Tips
I was reading my twitter timeline the other day when I noticed a link to an article or blog post discouraging women to dress ‘sexy’ for Halloween. My immediate thought upon reading the tweet was “what’s wrong with being sexy?” I can’t find the exact article they were referring to but I wanted to write up a post just to ponder the notion. The first thing I want to clear up from the start is the difference between ‘slutty’ and ‘sexy’. The best way I’ve seen it explained was on a feminist blog which I’ll quote
“If we want to use the word slut, we have to realize that in the context that we ourselves use it, it has more to do with actions, and nothing to do with clothing. And even then, we use the word “slut” to control a woman’s sexuality. It reflects the double standard that men can sleep with how ever many people they want and not be tainted or lose worth but rather gain praise. And yet when a female is very sexual, she loses value, to the point where we shame her, calling her a “slut.”
So coming back to that question what is wrong with ‘sexy’? When I consider some of the most celebrated fashion designers, names like Christian Louboutin, Tom Ford etc Their careers have been based on flattering and celebrating the female form with sexualised silhouettes and design. Tom Ford was celebrated for upping the ante season after season at Gucci when it came to statement sexy pieces. Everyone seems to love Mr Ford, yet if someone was to say the word ‘sex’ and ‘fashion’ I’d instantly think of Tom Ford.
style.com Tom Ford for Gucci 2003
style.com Tom Ford for Gucci 2003
For me the thing about ‘sexy’ clothing is it’s designed to make you feel great. Who doesn’t want to feel sexy when they look in the mirror? Not only that but it empowers women to celebrate and rebel against the restraints society places on women’s bodies. That’s not to say that you can only be sexy when you have flesh on show, but equally why do we ostracise women that do choose to bare a little flesh? After all come fashion week we’ll be tweeting how much of a genius certain designers are, that have collections with both sexy and revealing pieces.
I’d really love to hear you views so please leave a comment.
Sexy is one part fashion and two parts personality.
Love your site.
Thanks for commenting and I’m glad you love the site leo leo hope to see you around more often
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haven’t trends gotten uglier and uglier since 2003 ?
i thought this was yet another ploy for only the extremely gorgeous girls to fee smug about looking great in ridiculous ugly stuff. when the rest of women just look tragic and sheep like.
take playsuits. looking like granny’s old couch from the 70s with your ass looking fat no matter what
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Nag4oUgBF3M/TdF2EbZEvsI/AAAAAAAABFs/sTEEqt1MOz0/s1600/floral+ruffle.jpg
is horrible.
Lol a lot of people do say Gucci went down hill after Tom Ford left…
Tremendous job on this as ever, Arash.
I have such a hang-up with the word sexy because it, somehow, doesn’t have a universal meaning. To some people it’s a little bit of adventurous sophistication, and to others it’s scandalous indulgence. To others yet it’s flat-out derogatory. And I can’t stand when I have to cater usage of words to the meanings people associate them with, so for ‘sexy’ I just never use it. “Sexy Halloween costumes” is actually the perfect example – if you were to type that into Google Image you’d get a whole different look than Tom Ford’s sexy. (I personally vote that Tom Ford become the universal language of sexy, but to each their own.) For me, “sexy” in fashion coincides with words like “extravagance” and really even “glamour”. They become their own sort of high elegance, very luxe and very chic and very empowering to a woman’s shape and personality. Never dowdy and, alternatively, never distasteful. But that’s just my take on it. I wish the whole world could just agree on one meaning for it!
Thanks Casee Marie
Great point about the word I guess you’re right about it not having the same meaning to each individual. The perfect example is that I’d say glamour and extravagance, in terms of fashion, are different to what I’d describe something as sexy.
Well, here’s a question: how many (straight) men do you know who went out for Halloween parties dressed as Sexy Darth Vader or Sexy Policeman? Shirt unbuttoned to HERE and maybe a pair of tight booty shorts and stompy boots?
“Dressing sexy”, read as “exposing or emphasising physical characteristics deemed sexy” is a female province. And it is filtered through the interpretation of a male gaze, and tends to become about celebrating a particular narrow “greatest hits” form of attractiveness — the slim, the young, the hourglassed, the able-bodied.
Now, why is that? Why is a female’s power widely thought to lie in how she LOOKS, while a male’s power is not (or at least, not as explicitly)? Why does a woman “feel great” when she celebrates her body — gazing at her own image in the mirror and imagining how a man might see it?
It’s hard to get into this in the space of a blog comment — there are so many layers of history and culture and oppression to deconstruct. And it’s hard to get into it without being perceived as “angry”, or even from a detached perspective — I’m as soaked in it as anyone else, I enjoy “dressing sexy” myself, and sometimes I just don’t want to filter all the reasons for that and wonder why and go back to my closet and put on six layers of black.
But I do question the current — I don’t know, is it fourth wave? — of feminism, and the “reclaiming” of slut and sexy and all the rest. I’m not sure if it’s a net positive, on the whole or on the ground; I think it’s very easy for that to become yet another tool forwarding women’s oppression, this time in the guise of “if you don’t do it you’re not EMPOWERED,” which is particularly sneaky and demoralizing.
This is too long, and yet not long enough. But suffice it to say that I believe there are good reasons to question “sexy”, even without going into “slut”.
Thanks for commenting Katherine.
You raised some very great points and think are touching on issues a lot deeper than what’s covered in this blog post, which is more centred around the difference between advocating ‘sexy fashion’ yet dismissing ‘sexy costumes’. Casee Marie in the last post explained how and why she views them differently.
I’m glad I saw this before I commented, because you put everything I wanted to say more more coherently than I would.
I’m also going to use your comment as a launching point, so bear with me.
Arash, I’m sure there were many “don’t dress sexy for Halloween” blogs, and mine was one of them, but Halloween’s definition of “sexy” is borderline exploitative and, like Katharine said, sexist. Men aren’t expected to go out dressed like Fabio – they’re supposed to be scary or manly or funny. Women are expected to dress sexy, end of story, and I’d like to think there’s more to us than that, especially since Halloween’s idea of female sexuality is very much based on male perception/appreciation, and not glorifying the female form for its own sake.
And while some designers may glorify the female form, it’s only a certain type of female form, and really, what’s the reason behind the sexualized looks? Is it to make a woman feel empowered and confident, and if so, why? Because she feels comfortable in her own skin, or because men will notice and appreciate her? This is why I (and many other bloggers) have an issue with “sexy” – just what IS “sexy,” what is its value, and what role does it play in empowering women?
Thanks for commenting Laura.
However, I do disagree with a few of your points. I wouldn’t say Halloween forces women to dress ‘sexy’ they have a choice, I just checked my Facebook and there were equal amounts of women that were dressed in sexy outfits and normal scary ones. Yes men wouldn’t go out like that, you have a valid point, but equally you don’t see ‘sexy menswear either’ in the same way you would see women’s collections described. Sexist? Maybe, but again that’s something a lot bigger than what this blog post is centred on, just like you never seem to see men’s underwear described as ‘sexy’ yet women’s is commonly referred to in that way.
The point I was getting across is Dolce and Gabbana can send a woman wearing very little down the catwalk in a corset (which they always seemed to have at least in their pre collections) and people wouldn’t bat an eyelid, yet as soon someone wears a corset at Halloween it’s deemed inappropriate. Why?
Brilliant post. I have to say, I do find that every year I become increasingly disillusioned with Halloween. It is party due to growing up, and further discovering that everything I loved as a child is in reality just another ploy to make people empty their pockets, but it is also because every year Halloween costumes seem to be getting smaller, and more sexualised.
As a ‘young adult’, I have always felt pressured to ‘dress to entice’- many girls my age use every excuse to wear as little clothes as possible, and Halloween is an overwhelming example of this. These girls are not just dressing ‘sexy’, they’re dressing to fuck.
I completely agree with you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing sexy; sexy clothes can empower women because, let’s face it, we dress for ourselves more than we do men (my boyfriend couldn’t give two shits about what I was wearing , much to my dismay) and we like to feel good, and it feels good dressing sexy. However, I personally don’t find showing your tits, thighs, arse and stomach (basically everything…) empowering in the slightest.
I am sure you will agree with me when I say that a women’s body is beautiful, and it should be showed off in clothing. Tom Ford’s designs drape the body gorgeously, and they ooze with sex appeal, but they do it in a way where the woman who is wearing his designs can hold her head up high and gives her charge over her sexuality. Covering oneself with lace, pvc and fishnet is just submitting to male fantasy, it has nothing to do with the woman.
So yeah, I totally and utterly agree with you that there is nothing wrong with dressing sexy for Halloween, or ever, but there is a massive difference between dressing sexy and dressing like a baby prostitute. It’s a real shame.
Thanks for commenting Jessica.
I’m glad you liked the post. I think those girls you talked about, like you said would dress in that way regardless of whether it was Halloween or not. I certainly agree with you when you said a woman’s body is beautiful and I’m not against Tom Ford at all I’m just using him as an example. But you put your point across very eloquently.
Great post Arash! In answer to your question theirs absolutely nothing wrong with being sexy in my opinion. I think it’s dangerous to define between slutty and sexy purely because slutty portrays the impression of being derogatory against a particular sex as it gives off the connotation of having sex with a lot of people (even though I use the word for men too not everyone does) whereas sexy is an empowered emotion that can apply to both male and female. I like and believe the quote from the ‘feminist blog’ about it’s an action and not to do with clothing and that clothing can be used as a tool to create the feeling of sexiness.
When I think of the Halloween scenario trying to be anti- sexy, I think it depends on how people portray sexiness, in a dressing up scenario whether it be sexy Santa, sexy witch, or hen party get up is determined nowadays by lingerie brands like Ann Summers which started off as night wear for the bedroom but have in some cases become adapted to be worn in the general public (i.e. the fuck wear that someone commented on……. Because it was designed for easy access and cheap thrills in the bedroom but now it’s become ‘the thing’ to venture outdoors in…. I did come across a few sexy wizards and Heath Ledger ripped shirt scary Penguins but your right in one respect as I doubt I would have seen any men walking round in a Halloween adapted donkey thong ).
I love it when fashion designers design ‘sexy’ lines because generally it means that they consider the female form more and concentrate on the cut of the fabrics and use gorgeous materials which does make you feel empowered and sexy because you feel ‘at your best’ it’s difficult to get the wording right as trends for words change too, for instance a few years back if someone said glamour I would think of beautiful cocktail dresses and expensive tailoring but now for me glamour portrays glamour models with melon breasts hanging out of tiny tops and G strings. Like the new trend for couture is plunging neck lines…….. which could be portrayed as slutty if designed badly?
Personally, I would not say I was slutty but at the same time even though I am not even close to be model like I would say I was happy and confident in my own skin, when I look in the mirror I judge on what I see and think of myself and not what others would like to see. I do like to feel sexy and dress in clothes that suit my figure (or try to) I’m not a stunner but I like to think men don’t run from me in disgust or that I feel the need to dress like a nun to prove a point because it wouldn’t make me feel empowered if I felt I couldn’t be myself. Anywho, that’s my opinion!
Vx
Arash – Interesting points as usual! I completely agree with you that there is a double standard in which we praise designers for their sexy new looks but berate the women who don sexy costumes. But to be honest my problem is with the whole concept that women have to dress sexy, or designers have to create something sexy in order to sell. It’s degrading.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a HUGE proponent of women dressing in a way that makes them feel strong, confident and beautiful. I try to promote that on my blog and have a real passion for that message. The problem with the sexy look is that it isn’t about the person being strong, confident and beautiful; rather it is about using her body to send that message, which is not the same thing. When I’m out on a Friday night, or any day of the week for that matter, I want people to notice me – the complete person that I am, my personality, my passions and my physical characteristics. But if I don a sexy outfit I’m negating that desire by sending the message that my body is the most important part about me and it should be the part people fawn over. My body isn’t me, it’s just one part of the whole.
Anyway…. I’m cutting myself off before I jump on a soapbox here. Great, thought-provoking post!
Katy
I am not going to beat up on you for this.
But I don’t agree with your take.
I think that a sexy costume that is true to the subject is completely appropriate (say Jessica Rabbit or Jasmine or The little mermaid).
My objection is to the “sexy policeman” or the “sexy fireman.” For me these just seem silly–and a little desperate. And frankly speak more to the woman’s need for sexually-based attention than to the dressing up. It is this intention that concerns me.
Don’t get me wrong, in my everyday clothing I definitely have some cleavage baring clothing and several extremely short skirts (or at least my mother describes them as such), but this is an element of personal style and are not usually worn together. And yes, these things make me feel good!
I don’t know…. I think there is a thin line here…
Thanks for commenting.
It seems that everyone has a different take on the matter from completely disagreeing with the whole concept of ‘sexy’ to some, like yourself, agreeing to everyday sexy clothes and certain sexy costumes if they’re relevant. Thanks for not beating up me
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I actually love to use the word sexy to describe fashion in a positive way, but I agree w/ what Alexis says above about taking a ghostbuster costume and making a sexy version (this exists by the way, i’ve seen it.) And while I agree that no woman is forced to wear things like that I feel costumes that are for no reason risque do inform consumers, do have an effect on young girls seeing those costumes in stores, and have an effect on young boys seeing these costumes about objectifying women. I mean have you read that women boxers are now suppose to wear skirts so people can tell they aren’t men?! I mean why? I just think costumes like that promote a terrible terrible idea of women as these very sexualized objects.
I agree with you completely.
“But equally why do we ostracise women that do choose to bare a little flesh?”
I feel like so many of the comments here basically say – “I like to be sexy, but as the Superior Feminist these girls are obviously just objectifying themselves for men.” It’s judgmental and condescending to think you can judge someone’s view of themselves (and their life) in such a way. And so what if a girl is looking to hook up with a guy – I didn’t realise we still lived in Victorian times.
No-one is forcing, or expecting you to dress sexy for Halloween. In fact no-one is forcing you to dress up for Halloween at all. If you are having trouble finding non-sexy Halloween costumes, consider this might be down to your own lack of creativity than a costume shop anti-feminism conspiracy.
Basically I just think it’s shallow to make sweeping negative statements about people based on what they wear, especially on Halloween. In other words, wear what you wanna wear – I don’t think an added clause about as long as it’s within an acceptable degree of sexy is necessary.
I agree there is nothing wrong with being sexy. There is a difference between sexy and slutty and many confuse the two. There is a sexy way to wear a mini skirt and there is a “skanky” way of wearing one as well. It all comes down to being classy. But I think every woman SHOULD embrace their sexy side. I mean come on who doesn’t want to feel sexy! Whether its that mini dress or red lipstick that makes you feel that way why not wear it?! I mean it’s silly to say not to embrace your sexy side. I for one think Lady Gaga (as crazy as she is) and Beyonce do it well. But I also think you have to embrace your sexy side for the right reasons…and by this I mean feeling sexy for yourself (it would be odd to think we don’t want to impress the opposite or same sex depending on your orientation) but I believe that you should first do it for yourself and then for whomever.
PS Yes 90s pop music as in Backstret Boys even though I was listening to the NSYNC station lol.
Thanks for commenting Heather!
You can no more take the sexiness out of fashion than you can remove sweetness from sugar.
Thanks for commenting.